it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
