dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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