I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
