Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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