I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
