If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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