the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
