i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
