I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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