don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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