Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
