he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
