I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
