i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
