I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
