I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
