I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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