thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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