U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
