i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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