just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
