I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
