non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
