just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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