do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
