she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
