Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
