Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
