For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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