Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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