it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
