Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
