for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
