try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
