don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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