Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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