Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
