spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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