i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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