Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
