After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
