Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
