ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
