what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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