Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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