He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
