Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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