she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
