Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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