I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
