I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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