Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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