Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Success! We fucked roommates!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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