Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
